Hello everyone
Three cheers, I found the most wonderful writing spot in my most favourite holiday cottage, Wi-wurri.
As you can see, I brought a printer with me on this short break!
Wi-wurri was the writing retreat of Snoo Wilson, a famous playwright, who died some years ago, and the ambience of the place just begs you to read and, above all, write. Here is the chair I sit in to read.
Fortunately for everyone who stays here, Wilson’s wife, Ann McFerran, a renowned journalist and theatre critic, lets this amazing cottage out to people who want to stay. Here’s the website, but hurry if you want to stay there this year as it gets very booked up.
Anyway it’s just as well I had my writing as the weather was a bit meh, with buckets of rain and a cold ferocious wind that, tbh, I find difficult to stand up in! I spent most of my walks there clinging on to my rock, Mr F! Never mind, the purpose of my visit was to write, although there was one lovely day that was actually sunny and warm and we sat outside the famous Fish Shack that sells the catch of the day, two little fishes fried and served in a roll.
The fried new potatoes that come with it are to die for!
And what was it that I wanted to write? Well, the thing is I have been trying to write this for over twenty years. Oh wow, no, wait minute, I’m getting ahead of myself as this post is part of the monthly international creative writing challenge, Tell Us About…. instigated by Gail of @isthismutton, which consists of bloggers from Australia, the States and Europe getting together to write on a theme. This month the theme is Family History, which is so timely as during my stay at Wi-wurri I delved deep into my family and some of its secrets.
The thing about family history is that for most of your life family history is not particularly interesting. Did I do any family history when I was younger? No, I did not. And the reason is, why would I with my parents alive? They were the fount of all family knowledge. Once they die, it becomes altogether a different matter, as you think, now who is that in the family album, and what did my mother do as a young woman? Questions about the family become more difficult to answer – and you become curious. What’s more, did I do any family history before I retired? No I did not. I was too busy with work and family life, and family history is not only very time-consuming, it can become all-consuming. It really can.
Once I retired I had anyway a huge task before me. My father wrote a memoir of his time in the Indian Army, which was written by hand in 8 exercise books in his tiny back-sloping handwriting. I say 8 exercise books, there were actually 3 sets of those exercise books, as having written it all down, he must have said to himself, oh, I’ve left out this bit and, what about that bit, so he rewrote the memoir twice more, and in all he must have written hundreds of thousands of words.
I couldn’t deal with it, not for years, and it was at least ten years later when I picked up the challenge and typed up and edited the 3rd set of exercise books. The editing took 3 years of intense research (plus a lot of rejigging this research after getting advice from several sources) and finally I published his memoir in 2010, first a hardback and in 2011 a paperback, which actually sold quite well. It was niche but interesting to relatives of Indian army officers, academics, and military buffs, I still get the occasional sale. Throughout the editing process I was incredibly grateful that I had so much in the way of material from and about my father, not only his memoir, but notes, photographs, letters. All of this enabled me to get his story out of the exercise books, and into the world where some people read his words.
Now is this family history? I think yes it is. To me family history has to be more than just finding out this person was born in this year, got married in that year, and died in ….. it is about telling a story, of a life.
I learnt so much from the material I had about the man my father was when he was young, and I also realised why he became the man he did. In fact, I came to understand him, which is important for reasons I shall go into soon. I mean, of course, I joined Ancestry and did the usual family tree, and OK that is fascinating in itself, as my family appears to be very English, but my father is descended from Scottish hand-loom weavers, from which two brothers joined the army, moved to England with their regiment, and thereafter became the very English family I come from, albeit my birth family name is Hislop. But it is not enough to know that, for me anyway. Within my father’s ancestry is a story there that I need to tell, about hand-loom weavers and their fall from being favoured artisans to abject poverty as their skills were taken over by the factories that took their work and livelihood away from them. Yes, family history is about telling a story.
There was a time when I was totally immersed in my father’s family history; getting the memoir out, giving talks about it, thinking about my father and his life, but where was my mother in all of this?
I obviously knew that before she married my father (with the name Hislop) my mother was a Campbell. So my ancestry is nearly 100% Scottish and is where I got my red hair and pale Scottish skin. But I possess no writing of hers whatsoever, there are no letters, no diary, no thoughts put down on paper. There appears to be no evidence of who she was, apart that is from my memories and, from photos of which I have many – more about photographs in a minute. I can however, look at some written evidence in the Campbell family bible and there I can trace her ancestry to the 1700s and my great-great grandfather, the Comptroller of Customs in Glasgow, born in 1771. Great-great grandfather John Campbell and his wife Jane May had eleven children (oh the days before contraception) of which my great-grandfather was the eleventh child and the only one out of the eleven to carry the name Campbell forward.
So, if you want I can give you the Campbell family tree. But I have another story to tell. A mystery, a conundrum, surrounding my mother, that I found amongst the many photographs I possess, and it is a story I have been trying to write for over twenty years!
I began to write about this in 2003, I was taking a course in Life History and I wrote a couple of essays setting out my find, and some ethical dilemmas surrounding this find. Then trawling through my incredibly untidy Word documents there are fragments of a ‘memoir’ littered here and there all haphazardly unfinished and disjointed.
I have however, come to a decision, I am going to finish this memoir of my mother! The story will encompass the ‘mystery’ of a silver locket she kept in her jewellery box. It was always there but never worn. I have it now, this locket sitting in the jewellery box, which sits on my chest of drawers in my bedroom. I can turn my head as I write and see it now.
Hence, the short break at Wi-wurri.
For five days I sat at that table and gathered together all the pieces of writing I had, and put it into a coherent structure. I cut out unnecessary pieces and added to some incomplete passages. All the writing is now in its correct place, plus I have inserted many photographs that embroider and enlighten the story. Yet I have so much to do still. I shall expand certain areas and research others. This will take me at least another year.
I expect by now you are saying, for goodness sake, Penny, what is this ‘story’ all about. Well, it is about my mother, who’s story is to be found in the many photographs I have of her.
In telling my mother’s story I also tell the story of her mother, my grandmother.
My grandmother is another woman without a voice or much known about her until, that is, I did the usual research on Ancestry, and also listened to stories from an old friend of my mother. The photographs I have also tell a tale, and the significance of the way my mother looks as a child, will become known when I finish writing the story.
I think the answer to what is this story, is that I won’t say much more until I finish the memoir! You see, this is a story that explains everything, as in everything about my own family. It explains so much about my mother and, indeed, my father who I came to know through his writing. It explains the entire dynamic of my family. But not until I finish my writing will I know if it is good enough for publication. Because while I do want to write something for my children and grandchildren, maybe it might be of interest to others? But I won’t know that, until I finish it.
Now, is all of this family history? I admit I haven’t stuck exactly to the time honoured this ancestor was X and he or she was born in, and did this, and died then and was interesting because…. But think about it, this story of my parent will be ‘history’ to future generations. To my grandchildren and their children, the memoir will seem to them like something from the dark ages, something that happened long ago. So yes, the story I am writing about my mother is family history.
Thank you for reading my take on this month’s theme as it’s helped me think through why I am doing this.
And now it is the turn of my fellow collaborators in this themed challenge starting with Jill of Grown Up Glamour who gave us this theme. Jill explores her family roots and like many Australian families there is a mix of early free settlers and convicts. Click here to read about the research she has done to find out more about her family.
Then there is Marsha of Marsha in the Middle who thinks her great-great-uncle was the eleventh President of the United States – wow Marsha! She also thinks her dad could have got into West Point if only her Grandma Rose had pulled some strings. Read more about what Marsha thinks she knows on her blog here.
For Debbie who writes the Debs World blog unexpected visitors led to an unexpected and surprising family history connection. Cue lots of information flowing backwards and forwards and DNA testing done, now awaiting results. Read more about this on Debs blog here.
Sue from Women Living Well After 50, looked at this month’s Tell Us About prompt and didn’t think she had much to write about. Then she discovered a surprise ancestor in her family tree and is planning to do some digging… Click here to read all about this.
Then there is Suzy who uncovers her ancestor Sammy Morton, revealing a surprising past that inspires her creative ventures and sparks connections to pop culture icons like Adam Ant. Click here for her post on her updated blog.
And finally there is Gail from Is This Mutton who started this wonderful creative writing challenge. Gail was an early uploader of DNA to find more ancestors. Has it worked? Find out by clicking here to get to Is This Mutton.
Thank you so much for reading this to the end. That really is all for now but do tell me if you’ve got a treasure trove of family stories or do you think family history is something you might do…. one day?
With love, Penny, the Frugalfashionshopper
Well this is brilliant! Brilliant that the prompt, and Wi-Wurri, inspired you to write a book about your mother. Definitely family history! I thought of writing my post using another excerpt from the handwritten notebook my grandmother gave to me. I also have a fair bit of Scottish DNA on my father’s side.
Hi Gail and yes, I found this month’s theme so very apt and pertinent, but of course, I have been trying to write this for over twenty years 🤣 But have I touched it since I got back? No! Life has got in the way. I shall just have to go on more writing retreats. And interesting you’ve got a lot of Scottish DNA.
Thanks Gail 🙂
What an intriguing family history you must have, Penny! And the photos you have of your mother and grandmother are absolutely beautiful! I hope you get that memoir written—sounds like a potential bestseller to me!
Hugs
Suzy xx
I am so lucky to have so many photographs, in fact I have already produced a book for the family of photographs of my mother and both my grandmother and great-grandmother. I called it from ‘Crinoline to Crimpelene’ as the change in the style of dress over the years was astonishing especially for my Edwardian grandmother.
But have I touched the memoir since I got back? No!!!! A lot of life has got in the way. How do you manage your writing – I’m really interested to know. Have you got any advice, Suzy? Thanks xx 🙂
This is indeed family history, absolutely. How lucky your grandchildren are that you are dedicated to filling in the “dashes” as Deb said in her second last post. It’s the details not the dates that matter and it seems you’ve got good material and a wonderful writing style. It is all so tine consuming but you obviously recognize that are are dedicated. I am slowly working on my mothers but like you I want to flush it out.
Hi Bernie and thanks, it’s good to meet you! And interesting that you too are working on your mother’s story. But have I touched it since I got back from Dungeness? No! A lot of life has happened this week! It’s hard to carve out the writing days – but I know I will have to do that.
Thanks again Bernie 🙂
How lucky you are to have all these writings, photos, and other documents. My mother was one of those women who was larger than life but didn’t want her picture taken, kept herself to herself, and is still a bit of an enigma. Many say we are exactly alike, and I think they’re probably right.
I cannot wait until you have finished your book, and, of course, more than just your family will want to read it! You are a gifted writer, drawing your reader into the story and waiting for more, Penny! I am just now getting into Ancestry but am hitting so many stops for everyone, probably because I’m not patient enough to explore all the different leaves.
https://marshainthemiddle.com/
Hi Marsha and a couple of things. Ancestry doesn’t always provide the answers and you can find yourself up against a brick wall. I found that with my maternal ancestors, and researching my grandmother has been quite hard. In my case those ‘leaves’ were often about a branch of the family that I wasn’t interested in!
With regard to your mother, are there any friends or relatives of hers still alive? I interviewed a friend of my mother’s over some years. Oh my word she was a goldmine of information! But it is getting all the tapes listened to and then getting all the information into a coherent whole. It is a long, long business, but fascinating.
Thanks Marsha 🙂
Penny this is definitely family history and this project will be fascinating for you. The photographs you have a beautiful and ones to be treasured. I think writing about your Mother will give her a voice. I love your writing area in your holiday cottage. It seems like the perfect place to start your research.
I have so many photographs Sue, but nevertheless I have to write the story as future generations need this writing to give context to the photos. It’s a long business though, but I do want to give my mother a ‘voice’ as she was typical of a certain generation of women who were just there in the background: a dutiful housewife and mother.
Thanks Sue 🙂
I love the photographs of your mother and her family. She looks such a positive little soul, even at that young age. I’m hoping to compile a book of letters written to me by my mother- who very sadly died when I was twenty three- when I was at Girton College and my parents were running a sub- postoffice in Derbyshire. She was a very strong, kind, generous woman, possibly relatively rare as a girl from a working class background gaining a degree in English from Manchester University in the nineteen twenties. As my daughters were born several years after her death, I’m hoping they may hear her voice as it comes through in her writing.
Oh that’s fascinating Norah and so interesting to hear about your mother. Indeed she sounds as though she was very much ahead of her time. That’s so lovely of you to say that about my mother, but I’m afraid a lot of that positivity disappeared as life dealt her some blows. But I now understand more of why she was the way she was. And that is all part of the ‘story’ I aim to tell!
It’s good that we both want to give these women a ‘voice’ as it is so true of that time that most women went unheard.
Thanks Norah 🙂
I think you are right, there is so much more to a life than dates and achievements. There’s a saying ‘Until the lion can write, the story is always told by the hunter’. I think the telling of the story is the most important part, The untold stories are lost to time.
Oh what a good saying as I am definitely playing the part of the ‘hunter’ as so much of my mother, and indeed my grandmother’s life was untold. Typical of their age, women did not have a voice and that is why I hope to tell their story.
Thanks Lydia. Btw, what a lovely name. My third grandchild and the first girl is called Lydia Rose 🙂
This is most definately family history , glad you finally had your time away to write. I do remember talking about your project when we met in London. I am sure with your natural writing skill you will weave a fascinating memory of your mother that will be of great interest to your family and to others. I know quite a bit about my mother but very little of my fathers early life.
Hi Jill and yes, I do want to get this story out of my head and made into a coherent whole. I’ve begun the process but have I touched it since I got back from Dungeness? No, as a lot of life happened this past week, especially with my other half, Bill, getting ill (Labyrinthitis) so I’ve hardly sat at my desk. It will be a long business, the writing, but at least I have made some progress.
Must get to your blog as I haven’t read your contribution – will do that over the weekend – your family history project is absolutely fascinating. Can’t wait to read it. Thanks Jill 🙂
Wow, aren’t you so lucky that you could write that! And that you have published your fathers writing! And that God at the snack shack is amazing isn’t it. I had the potatoes last September, they were so good!
My father’s memoir was a HUGE job which I have to say worked out well. It’s a proper published book. Having done that once I want to give my mother the same sort of effort and care. So it’s a long process but I will get there!
That Fish Shack is wonderful and it was actually warm when we were there!
Thanks Nancy 🙂
What a great take on the Tell Us About prompt this month Penny and so good you could go away and spend time on this project. I love the photos you’ve included, they tell a story of their own don’t they? So many women have gone through life with basically no voices and yet they all must have a story to tell! Great post Penny.
Hi Debbie and yes, it is so important to give these quiet housewives, of that generation, a voice. And my word, since she died I have really found out so much about her, so it is incredibly important to give future generations more context around the photographs.
Thanks Debbie 🙂
Well, sign me up for the book when you finish it! I love picturing you in your writing retreat. What lovely photos of your mother and grandmother, too!
Sigh… if only I could stay there for several weeks, I’d really finish it, I know I would. But have I touched it since I got back? No!!! A lot of life happened this past week and I barely sat at my desk. Ah well, it’s a long process but I will get there.
Thanks so much Mary K 🙂
How wonderful to have this place, if only for a while to concentrate on your writing. And I do so wish I had asked more questions growing up. I suppose when there was any family around I was not that interested, and when I was they were gone. Actually I grew up with only one grandparent, my maternal grandmother. I knew she had come to the US as young child from Italy but not much else. As a child my father’s parents were alive but I did not meet them until I was about 10. They were from Ireland, living in Boston which I suppose was a long distance in those days. My dad was one of 7. and they had many grandchildren. I saw them maybe three times in total, they were never really part of my life.
I wanted to say that I had commented in your other blog but later when I checked back to see if you had replied I saw that my posting was no longer there. I probably hit the wrong button and then forgot to check that it was there.
I got the feeling in my family that there were secrets that were not to be revealed. I remember them speaking in Italian so as we kids did not know what was being said. I wish I had been more nosey.
And Happy Easter! Love, Darby
Lovely post with great pictures. I’ve been looking at a lot of old pictures with family members as part of my ‘life review’. I’m working on what I call the Real Bucket List which is about connecting with people I’ve lost contact with, not places to visit. Going well so far. I made a recording about my life last year where I spoke a lot about my Grandparents. One set gave us ( mum dad & infant me) a home in the housing crisis the war and were a big part of my childhood. On lots of meds (!) but still feeling OK. If only I could get more sleep!