Hello everyone
Ok where to start. It begins and ends, I think, around certain things that are happening to me right here and now. But then there is my mindset, which recently hasn’t been in a good place. But is better now.
However, to show you this blog post isn’t all gloom and doom. Here is a pic of a dress I wore quite recently. We came back from the cruise at the beginning of September to really cold weather. It was such a shock to the system I put away all my summer clothes and changed our duvets to the winter ones. And then of course, it became hot again! So, I dug out this dress.
Nice, isn’t it and really cheery. The dress was charity shopped, is 100% cotton and cost all of £9. The shoes, btw, were bought years ago.
We have, of course, gone back to Autumn/Fall weather and the appropriate clothes for that season, and I shall shortly do a blog on returning to the colour black – and maybe white!
But back to my thinking about life, the universe and everything.
In a nutshell – you know I’ve felt wobbly recently. Well, instead of the lovely cruise curing the wobbliness, which it did last year just through the amount of walking we did. This year it didn’t happen. Instead, every time we went outside and away from the ship I clung on to the arm of my other half, Mr F.
I was fine inside the ship as I am now at home, but outside…… This continued when we got back home and with Mr F out of action with Covid I went outside and without an arm to cling onto – I couldn’t cross a road – any road. Ri-diculous. Soooo, I diagnosed myself with mild agoraphobia.
Yikes. What to do as this is not what I want to be like! AT ALL!
OK. I am always one for saying to myself – sort it out. So, that is exactly what I am doing, sorting it. First of all, I made an appointment with my GP and I went to see him yesterday. I remember a few months ago I didn’t get much help but this time the GP was thoughtful and helpful. He’s not 100% sure but thinks it’s a vertigo problem. I await further instructions, but was quite pleased with this appointment.
I also thought about CBT but decided to park that, and instead decided to have some counselling to talk things through.
And. I bought a stick! Yes, I really did! That was the advice from a very good friend who said, get all the physical and practical help you can get, which includes getting hold of a stick. And you know what, that stick has helped. I never ever thought I’d say that OR even use one. But I have and it’s OK.
But here’s the thing. I may well have some physical stuff going on and even this vertigo. But ageing does lead to a decrease in muscular strength and power, I only have to look at my thin legs and bony, wobbly ankles to see that I could do with more muscle in that area, and my bone density can’t be brilliant as I have osteoporosis. So again I’m doing something about that and not only thinking and talking about going to a gym for lower body workouts – I have arranged an appointment at a gym.
However, there’s my outlook and delving a bit deeper into my thoughts and attitudes I realise I have a lot of fear. Is this FOGO? As in Fear Of Growing Old? Do I have that? Actually, I think I do.
Now can I hear a chorus of, ‘oh Penny, age is just a number’ or, ‘you’re so not old, Penny’! But look I am 20 months away from 80 and on my paternal side and my mother’s, everyone bar one died at 80. So, on reflection, I think 80 is a number of some significance, so actually, if not fear I definitely need to make some adjustments around my attitudes to ageing. Because my attitude to ageing is (or was) definitely not quite in the right place.
Anyway, after 2 sessions of counselling I was told that journaling might be useful – and wow, it has been useful. I’ve kept it to half an hour a day, which comes roughly to one side of an A4. For 5 days I explored how I felt about ageing and I’ve come to the conclusion that I am transitioning to another age-group, and it’s challenging. And that’s my state of mind at the moment.
And before anyone says, ‘oh, for goodness sake, you don’t need to think about age – just enjoy yourself and live in the moment’. The thing is though, it helps if you know there are many years ahead of you. Yes?
I have said this many times before, but when you reach your 70s, your head is still in your 60s, there’s still so much to do and plan for. But when you are approaching your 80s, it is a bit different. And that’s where I am now. Btw, for a little light relief I worked on a list of stages around attitudes towards ageing – this was day 2 of my journaling.
- I’m not ageing at all. This is the outright denial stage, which often morphs into
- ‘I don’t think about ageing, and you shouldn’t either’. That category contains a lot of people who might say, ‘you are as young as you think you are, and age is just a number’ Please, don’t ever say that to my face because – I just want to punch the people who say that right smack in the nose.
Then there’s the stages of:
- I’m young for my age;
- I’m OK for my age;
- I’m creaking a bit;
- I’m, oh, my giddy aunt, wtf’s happening, which morphs into
- I’m old and it’s all ghastly
Then there could be the categories of:
- I’m old and I’m ok about it;
- I’m old and it’s fine;
- I’m old and it’s great to be alive!
I think before I started the counselling I was in between the ‘oh my giddy aunt, wtf is happening stage and I’m old and it is all ghastly stages. I make no apology about that. It was where I was.
Btw, I am not the only one writing about this in the blogosphere as Alyson Walsh in her blog That’s Not My Age talks about the dangers of FOGO and the steps younger people are taking to delay ageing. Sue Burpee, also, has written a delightful blog on: When Your Gluteus Maximus Goes South. I so get where she’s at when she says she tries to shrug off how she feels about the ageing process, but doesn’t always manage it.
Myself, I think I am coming to terms with ageing as an older woman, consequently I’m teetering near, the, I’m old and I’m ok about it stage. But I’m not there quite yet – when I can stride down a street with confidence, that’s when I know I’ll be at that stage. And note the use of the word – old. I definitely want to use that word more often. We should reclaim that word and not deny it or run away from it. It’s there, it is our destiny.
And now, while I can show you a photo of me smiling and walking with Mr F with my stick, do tell me what you think about your ageing.
Is ageing about your aesthetic looks? Or do you feel that ageing is a huge wowzer positive, because the alternative to being old is……?
Exactly!
So for me, being positive about ageing and, let’s shout this out, being positive about being old (a word we should reclaim) is the key to me living well for the rest of my life and not wobbling with fear as I am doing now.
So do tell me about your worries around ageing: the disappearing glutes, the bad hair, the thread veins, the jowls and don’t forget the neck. Who has read I Feel Bad About My Neck by Nora Ephron – what a writer! Or are your worries all about the physical ailments that just keep stacking up.
But also do tell what is your key to any positive attitudes you might have. It will help us all to share our collective thoughts on this subject.
That’s all for now, with love, Penny, the Frugalfashionshopper
I am only 75, but I have been making my preparations for growing old. The best thing that I have done was to join a personalised nutrition program, which I have been working at with diligence and dedication for the last 18 months. (There is of course masses of free information available online, and it is constantly being updated in the light of new research discoveries.) I was very surprised when the first result was that I lost 20 pounds and came down to the weight that I was in my thirties, and I have kept the weight off for a year now. I am now more active than I was before, and I have more energy. I choose to eat in an anti-inflammatory way, and this has had all sorts of good effects on my overall health. Eating well also has an effect on mood, so I am more cheerful and optimistic than I used to be.
I am not going to accept any health deteriorations that I can do anything about, so I have also had my cataracts done in the last year. Apparently, I was nearing the point where I would have been illegal to drive, but did not know it. I have also got hearing aids. They are a bind but I know they make a difference to conversation. With a gadget attachment, I can now also watch TV without subtitles, and I can take phonecalls by tapping twice on my ear. How is that even possible? Superbionic woman me!
Hi Christine and I’m replying immediately as I am wondering if that personalised nutrition program is Zoe? I have read a huge amount about Zoe and watched many videos but the cost has put me off. Do tell me what the program is called.
But like you I have decided now to do a few things about the ageing process and I’m starting with an aesthetic thing. I’m going to the dentist next week and asking about veneers on my two front teeth. One is cracked and although it’s just a line the whole tooth comes up brown in photos. As I am recoiling at every photo of myself – I think I have to stop that negativity in its tracks.
Have also got myself on the waiting list for cataracts – they’re cooking nicely. Good to hear (!) that you hearing aid works so well. Love your attitude!
Thanks so much Christine and do tell me what your nutrition program is – I too think I need more of an anti-inflammatory diet. 😊
Yes, indeed it is Zoe. Younger people make a lot of noise about Zoe, but, used properly, it works wonders for the old too. The most important thing is that it supplies a huge amount of information about nutrition (all available online for free) plus, if you pay, details about how quickly sugar and fats disperse in your blood and also how well your gut microbiome is performing. Through personalisation, your food, meals and daily overall intake are scored on a complicated algorithm, and you aim for high scores. The app is indispensable on a daily basis and provides many extras, including a lot of ever-changing and interesting recipes from world cuisine. The initial tests cost £300 and the first year costs a further £300, but there is a 10% discount available via the Zoe podcasts and videos.
Because my results were initially bad, I had to make some big changes to what I was eating. Nobody does well on bread, for example, so now I bake my own substitute using lentils. Zoe is also big on beans. UPFs are frowned upon and the recommendations are mostly plant-based. Zoe has worked well for me because I am just cooking for myself (my husband doesn’t want to know) and I always have home-made delicious food stocked in the freezer or my biscuit tins.
Adopting Zoe means I have had to put a lot of effort into educating myself about nutrition and work out what works for me from the top-quality and up-to-date information provided. I am thrilled about the good effects on my health but the great surprise was that I have learned how to have a normal weight and to keep it normal. (I got my first official diet sheet from a doctor in 1957.) My best daily calorie intake is between 1200 and 1400 calories a day – Zoe quotes calories but does not expect you to count them – and I have learned how to fit sufficient quantities of macronutrients, carbs, protein, fats and fibre into that total without ever feeling hungry.
That is so helpful Christine and I do think I must do Zoe. I’m sure it will show me that I have very poor bowel flora – always had dicky gut made worse by antibiotics nearly 20 years ago. When I think of how much I am willing to pay for the veneers the £300 is not so bad!
The only thing is I’m really not good with is beans – hardly tolerate them at all. So am a bit afraid of the emphasis on beans. I eat loads of veg though, but probably not enough protein. And I don’t need to lose weight either. But it would be interesting to do. I don’t really like bread btw, and never eat more than one slice a day.
But thank you so much Christine – have decided I will do Zoe very soon now.
Thanks for approaching this subject of ageing. I know a lot of people who would shy away from it and I’d prefer to approach it head on. I’m just out of the 60s but had already realised the seventies is different. I’m also helping care for my Dad now in the mid 90s. Ageing is different for everyone and some get a pass on the worst bits, but only for a while. Good genes can only carry you so far and so can good nutrition and good exercise. I applaud your decision to take on the mental health aspects of getting older as I think that is a crucial step forward. Do stuff which pleases you, interact with others with a positive outlook. Also nutrition must be key in keeping a balanced outlook but in my father’s case ( and he is ultra positive) the key is tackling health issues head on and not allowing them to drag, knees, cancer, heart ( and widowhood) all have been tackled with a positive attitude. He also takes a lot of pills 😉 but he enjoys his life and carries on with it. I should also say we lost a closest young member of our family this year. That is so tragic but puts everything else into the shade. Good luck with your goal of living positively with ageing. It can’t be beaten but it can be lived well. ( Sorry I’m doing this on a phone and can’t edit it so I hope it reads ok). Trish S
Hi Trish and it reads beautifully. And yes, ageing can be delayed up to a point with good nutrition, exercise and genes of course. But it still happens. Your dad seems to have tackled it well by looking at things head on. I do so agree with you that attitude is everything.
The death of a young family member is tragic. Life is finite, but we always hope it will be a long one.
I love your sentence of: it can’t be beaten but it can be lived well. That’s the absolute key. Thank you so much for that Trish – that’s a really valuable thought 😊
At 64, having moved into our dream home I was still working as a mental capacity advocate, a job an absolutely loved and envisaged doing into my 70s. However, the rest of my lifestyle was not great, almost no exercise other than to and from the car, plus a lot of family stress with aging, ailing, then dying parents. A year into our new home I had a major heart attack and, thank goodness, went from ambulance to Cath Lab to have stents there and then. As you may imagine, it was a total wake up call and quite depressing, I felt as though my life was over and now I was just marking time. I retired and set about losing weight, altering diet (now Zoe type), removing stress, meeting up with friends and colleagues, most crucially, exercising. First was cardiac rehab followed by community classes with the amazing woman who had devised the rehab programme for the hospital. That was eight years ago. Since then exercise and healthy eating and knee replacements got me to where I am today – I maintain a more healthy weight, take prescribed medication and continue to go to the cardio/strength/balance classes twice a week. I had Covid for the first time this summer and it hit hard, made me weak and feel very vulnerable. As soon as I was able, I went back to my Happy Hearts classes and am so grateful to have made a good recovery. The great thing about the class is that we are all ages, though mainly 60s to 90+. Not all have heart issues. We exercise and socialise in class and all feel great as a result. I also go to Italian classes (finding it a challenge) and help provide a monthly tea party in the village hall. Are there any exercise or walking groups you could join locally, Penny? Do you and Mr F still organise the film club? It’s so much more fun and motivating to exercise and socialise with others. I’m sending my best wishes and hope you feel more positive about life very soon.
Love, Jane
That was such an interesting story of how you’ve changed and maintained a healthier life-style and I love the sound of your class. For years now I’ve been with the same PT and Pilates teacher – she went on Zoom through Covid and we’ve stayed on Zoom as I do think it cuts the travel time very well, plus I will always stay with her as she really has done so much for me. But went to the gym yesterday and that might well be the start of joining others in some kind of exercise as I shall do a once a week session on the machines as my lower body really needs a bit more oomph, but the gym offers other stuff as well. I do like the atmosphere of the gym which is a great help.
As for the film club – sigh. It is going through the usual trauma that many voluntary societies go through: not enough helpers, and not enough participants – is it actually viable. So, as much as we enjoy organising it, it might fold. But we live in Lewes now and I do want to join more activities in Lewes.
Thank you so much Jane as I am feeling far more positive as the week advances – especially as this blog has hit a chord and I am loving reading the responses and realising I am not alone in feeling a tad negative. But I am far more positive since I wrote this piece. Thanks again, Jane 😊
At 76 and with unexpected heart problems, I can so relate to all of that. I used to be young and fit with lots of dancing and walking! WTF happened – and when?? Mind you, we mustn’t forget Covid and the lockdowns. (Sounds like the name of a band!) All that had a huge effect on my confidence and outlook.
Oh Jen – I do relate to that. And totally agree that Covid took away two years of our lives. But having been down in the dumps and, like you, manifesting stuff I have decided I must pull my socks up!!!!
It is hard though and a big challenge.
Also I think it is very important not to read or think too much about how well one ought to be, this Ageing Well outlook is all well and good, but I have concluded you can feel failure if you start not Ageing Well!!!!!
So I have decided that of course, one does ones best to eat well, exercise etc etc etc, but we absolutely have to reclaim the whole idea of being old. This is tough. But I totally get where you are coming from Jen
Very, very best wishes, Jen 😊
Thank you for that Penny. I agree we must reframe the narrative about getting old rather than “aging well”. “Aging well” is so much down to luck – and guess what, it usually runs out at some point!
I’m finding most of the advice about “aging well” – often from younger people – really irritating. I lie awake at night worrying about how lack of sleep is affecting my health! A sense of irony and humour definitely helps with all of this.
Re the Covid, to my intense annoyance, I got it for the first time in June this year, a week after my latest jab.
One good thing – getting older has killed off my FOMO. I just can’t be bothered now and have probably done it anyway at some point in the past!
I too think the advice and even the research about ‘Ageing Well’ can make one feel really negative and, indeed, it is invariably written by people who are not in their 80s!
👍!
Hi Penny. Funnily enough I too have been feeling wobblier and I’m only 72. I am still fine normally but I notice I lose my balance more easily and in June when I was swimming in France I found I kept falling over in the water when I stood up and had to hold my partner’s arm to stay upright. I think it was to do with water in my ears. I also need a handrail on stairs now as I wobble on one leg. I got used to a stick before and after my knee replacement but don’t need it now. But I would use it again though having one hand occupied is annoying when getting things out of one’s bag and I lost several by leaving them behind. I’ve been doing 7 minute belly fat, and 5 minute arm and leg exercises on YouTube every morning for the last month and that and the swimming have really helped to strengthen my muscles. I think exercise and good nutrition are the way to go. My partner is good with sleep and fruit and veg and I go to bed earlier and eat better when with him, so I’m trying to do more of that when by myself. But you look great and are doing amazingly. You’re a real inspiration.
I too lost my stick (fortunately bought very cheaply in Lewes’s Flea Market) in Oxfam, Lewes when I parked it looking at books. I suddenly thought – where on earth is that stick…!!! Found it though!
And that’s really interesting that you too are feeling a bit wobbly. Your knee can’t have helped. With me I think the developing cataracts is not giving me the perfect or just normal vision I should have – everything I see is slightly ‘off’. But I also have to walk in a straight line and can’t turn my head and walk. Geez, but I am working on it, as there must be some muscle weakness going on with my thin legs and high arched feet. Off to a gym this afternoon. It’s so interesting to hear what you are doing Umi – I do think strengthening my leg muscles will help.
I always need a handrail for stairs now. This is definitely a new phase of life for me. And aiming to make it a positive one. Thanks Umi 😊
Just reached pension age this year. I’ve been acknowledging that the only certainty we ever have in our life is that it is finite. I am unlikely to se my grandchildren grow up , find partners have children. With weapons flying around part of our world it is easy to become fearful. But when looking after my 16 month grandson who is a delightful and happy child I appreciate the time we have both spent surrounded in love, happiness and safety.
Good for you getting a stick, I quite fancy a malacca cane something regal, but will probably go for a fold up one I can customise. A friends daughter has MS so having a stick available is like having her phone. I’ve done about 3 boat holidays when afterwards I felt wobbly on my feet for longer than being on the boat. So that may have triggered your wobbliness.
What we lose in abilities we gain un other ways, understanding, feeling comfortable in our own skin, patience, enjoyment, appreciation on what really matters in life.
All very good advice Penny acknowledging a weakness and how to tackle entering a new life phase that has been more unknown than any other before.
Hi Lindsey and yes, I know what you mean about grandchildren as I have an 18yr-old grandson and I expect to see him go into adult life, but the little ones at nearly 4 and 18 months, probably not. But overactive Oscar at 4 as a teenager 🤣 that I might see!!
If I keep the stick, which is very lightly used, I’d actually really like a goth one, black with a skull on top – think that would be both rather funny and quite stylish. Funnily enough I am a good sailor but I get what you’re saying about being on board ship and then unsteady on land. It’s just that I was already unsteady when I went on the cruise and it just worsened. Actually both times (last year and now this year) it’s been after a bout of Covid. Rather think it might have been the Covid that’s triggered this, plus of course my weak legs.
Thank you so much Lindsey – it’s been so good reading other’s people’s take on this phase of life. Thanks 😊
just started nordic pole walking and it has made a huge difference. great for balance, core and stamina .a single stick can make you look old, two…like an athlete!
I have definitely thought about Nordic poles, but am just waiting to see if I really, really need the stick – at the moment it’s very lightly used. And cost me all of £8 in a junk shop 🤣
If I go for Nordic poles I’d really like a workshop or short course on Nordic walking – will look out for one.
Thanks Sheila 😊
I did a Nordic Walking class locally and found it really helpful to walk with the poles prior to and after knee replacement surgeries. Walx UK should have info about groups and classes local to you Penny.
That’s really useful info – thanks Jane
Hello Penny, thanks for sharing your thoughts about ageing. I’m’only’ 70 but definitely have FOGO, not all the time but quite a lot. I have a number of health issues including arthritis and I have used a stick for a few years now. I find it makes me feel a lot safer and more secure when I’m out and about. I don’t think I look old and if the stick makes people view me that way then that’s on them – I don’t really care. The main thing I fear when out alone is having a fall which I have done several times and it is such a frightening experience. The stick definitely helps so I will continue to use it. It’s also great for getting favourable treatment from others such as stopping to let me cross the road or offering me a seat on the bus or tube!!
Oh interesting you’ve used a stick for some years. I now notice a lot of people using sticks that I hadn’t noticed before! The stick I’ve got is very lightly used and is for confidence more than anything, and feedback as I tap the pavement rather than anything else – I’m not leaning on it. If I keep using a stick I’d really like a goth-like type stick: black with a silver top, maybe a small skull! Think that would be great!! I’ll shall look in the antique shops in Lewes.
So sorry you’ve fallen – amazingly I haven’t I just fear it. Thanks so much Gill – I do like your attitude to your stick! 😊
Apologies for a long post. I went down into all sorts of rabbit holes!
I’m 76 now and aware that I want to live the best life I can with the years I have left. After a diagnosis of rheumatoid arthritis, and some years later, a health scare involving an osteoporotic vertebral collapse, I had a wake up call. Up till then, I’d taken my body for granted, that it would do what I wanted without complaint. And I realised that I had to take charge of my health and do the best I can with my body. So I lost four stone, took up Pilates, have a personal trainer once a week and do occasional zoom exercise classes.
And I also had to change my mental attitude. I realised it was no good berating the fact that I could not do as much as I used to be able to do, that I needed to sit down and rest more often, that it was pointless looking back at what I used to be able to do. I do have a gorgeous stick that I use if I have to stand or walk for a long time, but I have yet to come to terms with when I might have to use a buggy! I have learnt to listen to what my body wants and needs, and if it needs certain foods or more or less exercise, than that is what it now gets. Due to a recent change in medication, I was taken through a list of illnesses I might have. What struck me was how many I didn’t have and how fortunate I was.
I have come to terms with my sagging body and the various ailments which seem to crop up with regularity. When my body was pert and strong and physically healthy, it was also accompanied by lack of confidence and self worth and worry and the need to constantly prove myself. Would I want to go back to those times? Hell no!
I have chosen to have my hair coloured in pink and blue and lilac, and it lifts the paleness of my face. And so many strangers have stopped me to say how pretty it looks.
I am learning the benefits of aging. I don’t feel the need to rush from one thing to another anymore, and I take pleasure in watching the small things that happen around me, the fabulous colours in my garden, the birds hopping around playfully, the Sun’s warmth on my skin ( that’s been a bit rarer this year!), the joy of friendship and family as well as time to myself to think and do whatever I want to. Oh and to learn more and more interesting things. And lots of time to meditate, such a wonderful way to calm my mind.
I still have to reign in my frustration with cultural perceptions that an old body means an old mind with fixed ideas, unwilling to learn or adapt. And when I have the chance, I do enjoy the sound of the stereotypes that I can shatter. I quite like the me that is now feisty…
I realise that not everybody has the luxury of my approach; however, I genuinely do believe that my life has got better and better as the years have gone on, and I feel the most content and happy that I’ve ever felt. I will admit that that has come as somewhat of a surprise to me!
Katherine, you sound like someone I would love to know! Bravo to you for taking charge of your life, and upsetting the stereotype apple cart. I’m imagining your technicolor hair with a smile…
Thank you Mary Katherine. You’ve definitely made my day!
Oh wow, Katherine – how I love your attitude. You are such a role model – and as for your hair, it must be lovely. Interesting, I’m loving my very white streak at the front but I have wondered about the rest of it which is a lighter grey. My new hairdresser is whipping my hair back to a proper shape and style – I really trust him – so when I’ve had a couple more sessions with him and the style is back to where it should be I will then talk about colour.
Love the idea of a ‘gorgeous’ stick. I’m looking in the antique emporiums of Lewes for a more goth-like stick: black perhaps with a silver top.
Your take on life is exactly where I want to be – I realise I am adjusting to this new me. I will get there and it’s women like you that pave the way. Thank you so much Katherine – your entire comment was so inspiring to read 😊
Thank you, that’s lovely to hear!
Also, may I remind you that your blog exemplifies what it is like to shine with individuality and intelligence as an old(er) woman. Your take on fashion, your thoughtful reflections on life, the Universe and everything, your passion, your delight when you find something that particularly pleases you. I think you redefine what it is to be old in a way that is completely opposite to what society around us defines as old. Yes, our bodies function differently, but oh, what vistas and possibilities are open to us if we choose to invite them in. We can go down the road less travelled, we can be curious, we do not have to be what we used to be, we can explore the new and different, just for the fun of it…So here’s to being a role model, a shatterer of stereotypes, with our fancy sticks and our refusal to conform to what is expected of us at our age. Go us!
I’m 71 and have osteoarthritis and costochronditis in pain 24/7 have good days and bad days, the damp and wet weather are my worst days, I find I have to things in hours as in an hour of housework then sit down for an hour,so I feel for you. Diet is important to me and I follow the advice recommended for my costochronditis which is an anti-inflammatory diet. I also do the exercises recommended by “Keep the Adventure Alive” an American lady from Utah Dr.Alyssa Kuhn,Physical Therapist & Osteoarthritis Specialist, her exercises have been brilliant for me. I also follow her on Instagram. I also have hearing aids, in both ears, which was recommended to me by my consultant, I also have balance issues, after numerous tests, they decided my wobblyness was due to my hearing and I had hearing aids fitted five years ago. I wear them as soon as I get up in the morning, the consultant also told me,that if you’ve been advised to wear hearing aids to use them or you will be on the road to the onset of early dementia!
I feel for you Penny and I hope you find the answers to how you are feeling,kind regards Margaret
Hi Margaret and so sorry you have those conditions – I am not in pain but just creaking which is different I know. I do agree that diet and exercise is absolutely key to both our attitude and physical health. But rather than my hearing (which is excellent) my eyesight is ‘off’ and I do think having my cataracts done will be a good thing. Part of my wobbliness must be due to the slightly ‘off’ feedback I’m getting to my brain from my eyes then to my feet/walking. I hope to get an op within a year.
So very glad you are wearing your hearing aids – people often don’t!
Thank you so much of your comment as absolutely all of the comments have told me I am not alone in feeling this way. And I am far more positive as a result of the blog and all of you. I am so thankful.
Very best wishes Margaret, and I will find my way 😊
Penny – I read your post before I got out of bed this morning, and just re-read along with the fabulous comments. I am looking ahead to see how people I respect and admire navigate aging, and it’s wonderful to read about real concerns that are neither despair nor the “age is just a #” crap. I am so impressed about how you have approached this new stage with wisdom – addressing it first with your GP, counseling, journaling, the gym and nutrition. I, too, am from a family that has not lived past 80, and have always felt like someone was whispering over my shoulder “do it now, because you don’t have long!” And I’ve had my first brush with vertigo this year – ugh! Although I’m observing the process with my 92-yr old MIL, my perspective at 64 is still far different from yours, and I appreciate your candor in sharing this look into the future for us “young ones”. I’m making strength, mobility and balance training a priority and have been working with a personal trainer at the gym I can use for free at work, before I retire next year. I’m also trying to consume more protein to maintain muscle mass (a challenge as I’d just live on carbs…) Anyway, enough rambling – just wanted to say a huge THANK YOU for an important post. Keep us updated how it’s all going – we’re all cheering for you!
Aren’t the comments wonderful – they’ve really really helped and I feel so much more positive now than when I wrote this. Yes, the 80 mark is quite a thing for both of us. Statistically we should leap over it and wearing an academic hat, I know that, but the reality of 80 and 80+ is still a bit mind-boggling!
Yesterday my introduction to the gym was great and I shall go again without any worries. But oh my word the muscles I used that haven’t been used for a long time – I’m a bit ooooh, today!! Yes, and more protein is needed definitely!
I will keep you updated especially as my digital read-out indicated that my lower body is aged 88 🤣 But I’m not dismayed(or worried that this might be inaccurate) as this is exactly why I went. I shall just work to lower that score.
Thanks Mary K 😊
I used the lockdown to let my hair colour grow out. I was previously having it coloured every 3 weeks which was expensive and time consuming. My natural colour is pure white apart from a little bit of dark hair that is hidden under the white and is not noticeable when my hair is combed. My hair is very thin and looked thinner when it was coloured . I have it cut every 5 weeks now. I wash it before going to the salon and it dries in minutes. My hairdresser cuts it and re-wets if necessary and does a blow dry all for 25.00 and I am in and out in less than 30 minutes. I like the new look and everyone says the colour is lovely. The downside is that I am aware of people treating me like an old person,(shop assistants say “bless you”, it drives me nuts , but I don’t let them know that. I am nearly 77. I don’t feel old apart from dodgy knees. If anyone asks me how I am, I am always positive and smile and say “fine thankyou”. People seem to be kind when they address me but the only thing that has changed is my hair colour and I feel as though I am perceived to be much older than I really am.
Colouring hair is expensive and I too am glad that I gave it up.
Oh gosh – the ‘bless you’ is an absolute giveaway that someone is unthinkingly being ageist. Personally I think that pure white is a really great colour for hair. I bet you look lovely and that you are not being seen as older than you are, but if you are feeling that way about yourself, I suppose I’d say do something to boost your own confidence in yourself. Look at me giving advice when I haven’t been in a good mindset myself!!! What I do is wear something that is slightly edgy like boots, leather jacket or a stunning coat – I’ve got a thing about coats! Coats are just coming in to the charity shops now and you might find a bargain! Whatever you do, and you’ll know what that is, I still say I bet you look great.
Thanks Kate – ever single comment has helped me to positivity – thanks again 😊
Thank you for your great blog Penny.
The cataract operation should make a big difference in a positive way. I had both eyes done a couple of years ago and with my glasses I have better eyesight than I have had for years! It gives me more confidence.
I have also just finished the Invisalign treatment where your teeth are straightened and again I feel more confident as before my teeth were increasingly going in different ways and I was conscious of not wanting to smile. Not a procedure that is necessary I know but so many of my friends have had the same treatment or veneers and they all feel more confident. X
Yes, I definitely feel that my vision is ‘off’ and that has to be a contributing factor in my vertigo or whatever it is, as I must be getting faulty information to my brain about where I am when I’m walking. I bet my walking would improve if the op was done – but I will wait for my turn.
Equally veneers will help as I recoil from every photo I take. Mr F helps me to whiten the tooth in the photo – funnily enough it isn’t that noticeable in real life. But still I think it is time to have the veneers. It will help my confidence.
Thanks Charmaine 🙂
I really appreciated your post today Penny. and sorry that you are experiencing this. I am a few years older than you, 83, and this past year I fear that my age is catching up with me. I tire more easily and have less strength, I have my yearly physical next month and will bring up my concerns with my doctor. I try to be pro active, walking regularly, doing a bit of strength training at home and I take a weekly yoga class. the class is labeled as gentle but it’s not. I find it a challenge most days. I can still get into the postures but the effort to do so is increased. and everything makes me ache, not awful, but it is there. I am about to return to my lectures and classes sponsored by a local university and Road Scholar. There are also a few cultural trips as well. well, you get the picture. I know most people want to loose weight but I am very slight and seem to have lost a small amount of weight lately. trying to eat better, especially more fruits and vegetables. the other day while walking I actually fell. there was a bit of a hill and a lot of debris from the acorns which had fallen from the Oak trees in the park next to the sidewalk. that is what I told myself. I felt so self conscious but I don’t think anyone saw me. a slight scrape on my knee and wounded pride. trying to practice acceptance and to appreciate each day. I have also found that journaling is very helpful. I have been doing it for many years now and I do recommended it. Sometimes I think of my mother at my age and realize that she would never think of doing most of the things I do, It would probably shock her. this makes me feel better . Love from New York, Darby
I think you are quite the role model for an 83-yr old! And you too do a ‘gentle’ class that isn’r really, mine is Gentle Pilates! I know what you mean about waning strength and I suppose going to the gym for the leg machines is one way for me to increase my muscle strength. Mind you I have tendonitis in the Right hip and the introductory session had a bit of an impact on it. Will wait over a week before I go again. I did the gentle Pilates class today (the day after my gym session) and oh wow, was I achy and stiff!
So sorry about falling, and note I didn’t say, you had a fall! That terminology of ‘a fall’ is so commonly used by professionals when actually everyone falls over and we have to remember that. And oh yes, I think of my mother exactly as you do. We are both doing far more than our mothers and we must hold on to that.
Truly you are doing everything right including and especially the cultural activities – go for it Darby and don’t be disheartened. Thanks so much for contributing to this blog and your comment today – every comment has helped and I always love hearing about your New York life 😊
I just saw this quote and thought of you and this post: “It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err.”
– Mahatma Gandhi
Love you
Xoxo
Jodie
Thank you so much Jodie – all of the responses to this blog have been wonderful and I so appreciate you all. Thanks again 🙂
Penny, you know I have been avoiding using the word, old. I’ve been substituting experienced, but I shall take old back, too. I’ll be 67 a little later this month so 70 is looming. I sometimes have to shake myself and remind myself of my age. In my head, I’m still 40-ish, but my body frequently reminds me I’m not. I do come from a line of long lived women on my mom’s side. I only have one aunt left on my dad’s side though she would be very close to 90 if not older. She’s still full of spit and vinegar. It’s strange you experienced vertigo as I did the same thing earlier this summer. It would strike at the strangest times…like at the hair stylists…I’m sure many people thought I had drunk my lunch or something. I chalked it up to an inner ear infection.
I do feel the change in the “weather” as my husband is five years older than me and wrestling with his hips. We now have grab bars in the bathroom and a wheelchair residing in the living room where everything is pushed against the walls. I’m afraid he’s on the verge of giving up, but I keep pushing him as I’m not ready for him to give up. I know he thinks I’m a nag.
I think your idea of journaling and making a list of stages is brilliant! I’m at the WTF happened to my body when I wasn’t looking stage. My bosoms are down to my belly button, and my knees creak. I have no words of wisdom other than decorate that stick as best you can without making it unsafe!
https://marshainthemiddle.com/
Hi Marsha and oh yes, like you in my head I was so much younger. Indeed for many years, actually until now, in my head I was 60. The transition to being positive about approaching 80 is a big challenge to be sure, but then again I am what I am.
And I really want to face it and, first of all, be honest, that’s what I mean about reclaiming the word ‘old’. It is so denied because of its negative meanings. And then second, I want to be happy and confident and positive about being my age, and beyond into my 80s. Phew!
So that’s where I am. I’m teetering much nearer the ‘I’m old and OK about it’ stage than I was at the beginning of the week mainly because of all the comments and responses to the blog. There are so many of us grappling with the ageing process. Of course, for some readers the idea of ‘being old’ won’t have hit them quite yet, but in actual reality we are all ageing – it is undeniable. We can deal with it by a good diet, plenty of exercise, good social connections, not being too overweight, sleeping well – that’s what all the research says, we all know that. But it won’t go away – it is our destiny. And I think it’s really good to grapple with this.
Oh and the stick itself is used very lightly and yes, if I keep needing one I’d really a goth like stick: black with a silver top or maybe a skull! Woo-hoo 🤣
Very best wishes to you and Nigel too – hope he is healing and improves. Thanks so much Marsha 😊
I had a period of Vertigo when moving house it was worrying and lasted a good while. It got better eventually Penny. These things sadly as we age appear when we definitely don’t want them!! Xx
That’s interesting that your vertigo went. It is a good explanation for what I am going through – hopefully it will fade as the stick is helping.
Thanks Vivien 😊
Thank you for this honest and thought provoking post Penny. You have definately been proactive in visiting your doctor to check for any underlying issues that may affect your balance. The journalling seems a good idea to analysis your thought process on the issues. I will be interested to know how you find the gym and if they understand your needs .
I must admit I have a different take on FOGO , as for me at this stage old age is not a given . I will continue my healthy diet , keep walking and socialising with friends in the hope that I will.
Both my parents died in their 70s but my grandparents lived into their 80s and 90s.
I do hope all you are doing pays dividends Penny , take care. xx
Yes, indeed, there is always the need to remember it is seriously a privilege to live into older age. I have many friends who have passed. You are also right to say a good diet, walking or any exercise, and good social connections are the best way forward. That’s what the research says and that’s what we should do.
I have loved reading all the responses to this blog. I felt negative or not exactly negative but I was definitely wrestling with FOGO because of the walking issue. But the walking is improving, it’s not by any means back to normal but it is better. As for my attitude it really is much more positive because of possibly the journaling but also because of the generosity of so many readers responding. I have really valued everyone’s opinion and views on the subject.
And then there’s dressing up! Oh yes, Jill, thinking through my outfits I have thrown out a lot of clothes into the charity shop bag, and am definitely into more black skirts and white tops. Although actually I have just bought some grey items. Will be blogging about that. Here’s to (sensible) retail therapy 🤣
My suggestion would be, ditch the stick and use a walking pole instead. Much more “sporty” and adjustable, too!
I agree about the ‘look’ of walking poles but not sure about both hands being in use. Actually the stick is very lightly used, I don’t lean on it at all, it’s just there to tap the pavement and give me feedback. If I continue to need it, I shall get a goth-like stick with a skull on top – think that would suit me down to the ground 🤣
Thanks Lavinia – every single comment has given me hope, information and positivity – I am so grateful 😊
Last January a doctor said to me, while I was telling him that I was getting worse with my lungs, yes but you are already almost 60! And since then I feel old!! Haha, before that I never thought about my age. I see a lot of women your age and they are all so young! It’s all about how you feel in your head.
Actually you have done so well with your condition. I’m sure it must be because of your attitude and love of life and of course you cycle and go to the gym. One day we’ll have to meet up in Rye – or even Dungeness 🤣
I’ve found the whole experience of blogging about FOGO an incredibly positive one. Oh my word, people have been so lovely in their responses – and I can see I am not alone in this. This was a really good thing for me to do. And absolutely yes, it is about what’s going on in my head!
Thanks so much Nancy 😊
I am in tears. What an honest post. Truly. I am sitting here with tears welling up in my eyes. Thank you for this very candid, personal look at how you are feeling, physically and emotionally. This broken foot has given me more time to sit and think than I would ever want willingly. I feel so feeble and unsteady, hobbling about on one foot on a knee scooter, pushing around in the house on a rolling office chair, and going out in a wheelchair. We were having such a wonderful summer, and I was giving praise for the ease with which we were moving into PC’s retirement. Life was good. And then this stupid accident.
I will recover, and I hope to be able to do all the things again that I was doing in August. But who knows? And now I am scared, scared to move for fear of breaking or straining or twisting or bruising something else. Terrible feeling, this fear. Maybe I need to look into a walking stick. In fact, I have 2 for hiking. Maybe I could use those for just getting around with more confidence on flat ground until I am ready to hike again.
Your green dress is vibrant and beautiful on you. Glad you pulled it back out. And your smile is your best accessory. Glad you pulled it out, too. The walking stick looks very smart. You wear it well. Who knows, you may not need it for long!! Just a thought…have you heard of Meniere’s Disease? It doesn’t really fit the symptoms you have shared but I had a friend who was practically paralyzed (in that she didn’t want to go anywhere) with it. Just a thought.
Sending you big hugs from one mature woman to another. XO
Oh yes, that feeling of fear around falling, but you will recover Leslie, you will, and I bet you had good muscle strength in your calves before so if it goes slightly off during the 2 months that strength will return too. Also any weight gained will go once you can walk around. But what a bind, having an accident. We have to remember that everyone falls and everyone has accidents not just older people.
Being honest about how I was feeling on this blog has been such a positive experience. We need to reclaim that word – old – as a something that is a positive experience. It should be. Anyway, I’m so grateful for all the responses and you can see that to a certain extent we all have that fear of growing old. But I’m absolutely sure you have many hiking days left! It sounds as though you’ve got walking poles – you will look really athletic if you use them for a few days while you gain confidence, but I bet you don’t need them for long.
Ohh and yes, have heard of Meniere’s Disease but my balance is improving – it’s not back to normal but I am better.
Sending big hugs to you too Leslie from across the pond 😊
A thoughtful and frank post Penny, and it’s so appreciated because in the blogosphere it does seem that you have to be incredibly positive about anything connected to ageing. I’m approaching 64 and definitely look and feel my age. I’ve been offered a seat on public transport several times!
I agree that all we can do is try to stay as fit and active as possible. I’ve decided to get a personal trainer to get me back into a proper muscle resistance programme.
For the over 90s ageing is exacerbated by some not feeling fully in the world because of challenges with technology. My mum is 92 and I could go on all day about the lack of understanding among young people when she says she hasn’t got a smartphone. She has a mobile but her eyesight is very bad. The NHS is keen to text her about Covid jabs and so on- but then sends a link for her to book them!
Oh yes, the Ageing Well industry on social media ranges from very good and well researched stuff to the downright dangerous, e.g. the recent influencer who decided to use alternative therapy instead of any chemo for her breast cancer, when actually she had had a lumpectomy’s and that was all she needed. People like that…… words fail me….
But even the best Ageing Well stuff can be downright depressing if you feel you are following all the advice and yet you are not actually ‘ageing well’. I’ve decided to stop looking at Ageing Well advice as it’s all about eating well, good social connections, don’t get too overweight and exercise. And we all know that.
Anyway, I have decided to embrace my age as there is so much denial around – but on the other hand it is a challenge. The responses to this blog though, have been so life enhancing. We are all going through it.
Btw, a PT will be great for you, I’m sure. The trick is to find the r right one!
I’m in complete agreement about the ageist society we live in particularly for the people, for whatever reason (and it might be poverty just as much being in the older age group) cannot embrace the ‘Smart phone’ age we live in. Online banking and the cashless society must be a huge challenge for some and yes the GPs now send texts and links to you – what happens if you haven’t got that kind of phone? It’s a dilemma as so many parts of our society are almost totally digital.
Thanks so much Gail for your thoughts on this subject – it has been such a good experience to share this FOGO with people. 😊
Hello Penny,
A very interesting blog about aging and our relationship with getting older.
I personally have a very positive view on being older or old having turned 70 earlier in the year.
I realise how lucky I am to have reached this marvellous age with very few health issues. I love my grey hair and every wrinkle is a smile line.
I walk most days, eat a mostly plant bases diet with a little fish now and again.
I also volunteer as it can challenge me to meet and talk to new people.
I guess I’m lucky to have this positive outlook but I do have to work at it sometimes.
Also I have found a free online Pilates session which I try to do twice a week to help with my balance. I was lucky enough to have my cataracts operated on a few years ago and it made a big difference.
The only thing I struggle with is driving, I try to keep it up but find my confidence is slipping – which I don’t like as I’m very independent. So something to work on for me.
I wish you all the best Penny with ageing well and in a positive way.
And like you when I need a walking stick or any other aids I’ll use them to help me live independently into ( hopefully) a ripe old age.
Ps – this is my first time ever replying to a blog and I do enjoy reading your post.
How lovely to hear from you Linda and thank you so much for commenting. It’s really great to hear how you are feeling about ageing – long may that continue! Tell me how you feel when you turn 80! As I’ll be 88 I think it would be great to exchange views of ageing then 😁
Oh and rather like you – I am trying to not stress about driving. That’s also a challenge.
Btw, I definitely think this blog and the responses to it have played a part in my improvement as I am so much better when walking out and about. Yesterday I crossed the road that I couldn’t before and that I’m sure is down to everyone’s kind and thoughtful views on ageing and the feeling that I am not alone.
Thanks so much Linda 😊
Funnily enough Penny, I had a fit of vertigo today while at an event where I was representing a charity I’m on the board of. I tilted into a man’s back and fortunately a woman he was talking to saw and grabbed my arm. Embarrassing! I felt so dizzy I had to go and sit down. Managed to walk home okay though. And yesterday in my writing class one of my hearing aids blocked and rather than pretend I just told them. It was actually fine, but it has made me aware that I may need to stop teaching sooner than I’d hoped. I love the writing class so much. I had originally planned to retire at 70 and I’ll be 72 next week, and this has all been rather sudden. Two months ago I thought I’d be able to go on for years. I will see my doctor though, because I don’t want to have to give up work. It’s the best thing in my life (apart of course from my children and granddaughter) and I really look forward to every session. I think I’d be quite depressed and lonely if I stopped working.
Uni, I hope you carry on with your activities if possible. Once you stop it’s hard to get back due to eroded confidence, possibly changes to the work. After my heart attack at age 64, I made the decision to retire. Our contract with the local authority had been won by another organisation and though I had the right to transfer I had lost confidence and didn’t want to be with a different provider who didn’t know me and who didn’t have the infrastructure in place for a smooth transfer. It’s a decision that ultimately was to my benefit but I still feel some regret 8 years later as I’d envisaged still doing the job I loved into my 70s. Whatever decision you make will be for the right reasons.
Best wishes, Jane
Thanks Jane and Penny. I slept for ten hours last night – I’d slept very badly for the two previous nights because of a new mattress and worrying, which may have contributed, plus doing a lot of swimming in France which may have affected my ears. Anyway, felt a lot better today and walked into town and back today (an hour’s walk) with no problems so I’m no longer catastrophising. But thanks for your concern/advice. Much appreciated! And no I won’t give up work easily. I’m hoping to die in my chair in class!
It is such shock when things start happening to one’s body that you never EVER thought would happen – I mean, moi? What? Really! Etc etc. I think seeing the doctor is a very good thing and when you do, emphasise very strongly that this is not the you you want to be.
Am emailing you with more thoughts.
Very best Umi X
Thanks so much for the link and the shout-out, Penny. Good for you to look for help. Not everyone does. My Mum had severe agoraphopia in her early seventies and she sought counselling. Until she died at 95, if she felt the onset of panic, she’d say, “Just leave me alone. I’ll sit here quietly and do my breathing.” I was so proud of her for reaching beyond her comfort zone and getting help. Your post should be an inspiration for those who feel themselves in a similar position. xox
I love to hear your perspective on aging. Everybody handles it differently, but it sounds like you are optimistic about your future and grateful for your past. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.